We’ve all been hurt by someone’s words or actions at some point in our lives.
Years ago, someone hurt me pretty badly. It was an unexpected physical and mental attack that left me reeling.
I sat down and wrote about my experience, fully remembering the hurt and anger I was feeling. I got it all out of my system and then I was asked to forgive this person.
Even though this person expressed strong religious beliefs, he didn’t understand that I was forgiving him for me. He wanted to feel better about what he’d done. He wanted me to absolve him of his transgression. I tried to explain to him what forgiveness really meant, that it was a way for me to let go of what happened. I said his job was to forgive himself.
To this day he believes that I forgave him and then “took it back.” I am at peace with it, though.
It’s perfectly normal to feel that kind of pain, but sometimes, it lingers longer than it should. When we hold onto that hurt, it can make it harder to find happiness and even strain our relationships. Without forgiveness, we risk isolating ourselves.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool that can change your life for the better.
While it’s not always easy, it’s a skill you can learn with a little practice.
Here are some helpful tips to guide you on the path to forgiveness, letting go, and moving forward with more joy in your life:
1. Reflect on the Benefits of Letting Go
Think about how much lighter and freer you would feel if you let go of your pain. Make a list of all the positive changes that could come from forgiving someone. Imagine how your relationship with that person could improve.
2. Consider the Costs of Holding On
Holding onto negative feelings can be exhausting, not just for you but also for those around you. How is it affecting your family, your friends, or your peace of mind? Ask yourself if holding onto this hurt is really solving anything.
3. Make the Decision to Let Go
Just like any other goal in life, forgiving someone starts with a decision. Most big changes don’t happen by accident—they start with intention. So, decide that you’re going to work on forgiving and moving on.
4. Remember, You Have a Choice
As humans, we’re capable of thinking things through and making choices, rather than just reacting to our emotions. You have the power to choose how you interpret what happened and how you’ll respond. Even after your initial reaction, you can choose a new path.
5. Try to Understand Their Perspective
It’s easy to label someone as “bad” when they hurt us, but there’s often more to the story. What might they be going through? What past experiences could be influencing their actions? Seeing things from their perspective might surprise you and help you understand them better.
6. Look at Your Own Role
Most conflicts aren’t one-sided. Reflect on how you might have contributed to the situation. Understanding your own role can make it easier to forgive the other person—and yourself—if you regret anything you did or said.
7. Stay in the Present
Dwelling on the past only keeps the pain alive. One of the secrets to a happier life is staying present. Focus on what’s happening right now. If you’re washing dishes, just wash the dishes—don’t let your mind wander back to past hurts. Be present in the moment.
8. Take the Step to Move On
When you forgive, you’ll likely feel a weight lift off your shoulders. Compassion and forgiveness make us feel good, and they’re key to living a fulfilling life. Remember, forgiveness is something you do for your own well-being.
Forgiving and letting go is a skill that takes time and effort to master. But be wise—if someone took advantage of you, it’s okay to be cautious in the future. Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget to protect yourself; it just means you don’t let that person occupy space in your mind for years to come.
Negative emotions can be signals that something needs attention. Address the issue when it happens, then let the emotion go. Forgive, and move forward with your life!
Publisher of Great Living Today, your one-stop source for greater living featuring tips, techniques, and programs in the areas of health & wellness, wealth, time management, business, love, relationships, and happiness. Marty is a life, business, and wellness coach helping his clients to live their best lives and designer of delightful and useful journals and planners.